To Feel or not to feel..

                           Is that the question?


     Ok.. it's a simple question.  Perhaps too simple.  But maybe it shoulda
been asked a little earlier.  What do you think?  

     Have you ever really wondered about how much "feeling" has to play in
our world?  I mean.. just take a moment and think about it.  What in your
life do you do because of how it feels?  
     Here's what I come up with right off the cuff:

     I eat food because of the taste sensation it gives me, not only what it
does for my body.  This sensation is a feeling.

     I sleep a certain amount of time because my body *feels* worse if I get
less.  I also do more poorly at tasks because I often do not *feel* up to
par.

     When I play sports, it's because they give me a certain "feeling".
Whether it's a feeling that comes from the exercise, winning the game, or
just enjoying time with my friend, it's often a feeling that keeps me coming
back.

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     Ok.. these are only three examples.. but I coulda kept going for quite
some time, coming up with things I do because they *feel* good.  I'll be
bringing up more as I go along.. but I didn't want to scare you off by
showing you all the answers beforehand.
     So.. I guess the first question is, is feeling good, "good"?
    
     This may seem like a funny question.  To someone who barely knows the
language, it might seem really strange to ask.  After all.. if you feel
"good".. it must be "good" for you.. right?  Well.. English is a funny
thing.  And though I can't speak for other languages, I can speak for this
one when I say... it has some really strange notions in it.  One of the
biggest ones is the one I'm showing you here.  Just because something feels
"good".. doesn't mean it *is* good.

      Ok.. time out.  A lot of you probably agree somewhat on this.  I
mean.. you can't just expect that eating chocolate bars (which often feels
good) is something you should always do, simply because it does feel good.
But the problem is, as a culture.. as a world-society, we have degenerated
into the notion that, for the most part.. as long as it feels good.. it *is*
good.  I mean.. nobody would say that eating one chocolate bar would be bad
for you right?  Well.. what about someone who's diabetic?  If they ate one
at the wrong time, it could very well spell disaster.  So I guess it does
make sense that.. something that seems as innocent as eating a chocolate
bar.. which doesn't hurt anybody else.. and is sometimes quite good.. can be
damaging, given the right circumstances.

     Ok.. u caught me.  I threw in something that really might seem out of
place.  The phrase "doesn't hurt anybody else" is a real kicker.  I mean...
it's rather rudimentary that eating a chocolate bar doesn't hurt anybody
else.  But what about other things that "feel good"?  Are they as "good" as
the people who do them claim to be?  

     I know I could quote a lot of different sources.. focussing on this
fact and that idea.. but before I do.. let's focus on something else.  Fact
itself.

     I know you may be wondering what "fact" has to do with "feeling".. but
you might be surprised at what I say next.  Unfortunately.. an awful lot of
"truth" has been established as such.. not because of actual "proof".. but
because of seemingly supportive evidence, along with "feeling":  the "feeling"
that it has to be right.. or that it *better* be right.
     You see... in this world, we have to deal with something rather
dangerous -- our own desire not to know the truth.  Ok.. now.. u may really
wonder if this is so prevalent.. but let me demonstrate that it is.  
     You are taking your wife out for dinner.  She has gained a few pounds
recently, and as a result, looks rather inappropriate in the dress she has
chosen.  Do you tell her that she looks overweight?  Or do you let it go and
let her go out as is?
     Or reverse the situation.  You are moving to a new house.  Your kids
are going to college, and your only way to pay for it is to move into a
smaller house.  Your husband has all these nicknacks that he's saved over
the years.. but you know you can't keep them all.  Do you tell him that he
has to throw them away?  Or do you let him haul them over to the new place,
and squish you in even tighter?
     The facts are simple.  One person is going to bring problems on
themselves and or others.  The situations may seem simple-minded.. but the
facts remain -- one of the people does not want to hear the truth.  Their
"feelings" will be hurt if they are *told* the truth.  And often, this is
the way things go in the world.  People's feelings end up getting hurt when
you tell them the truth.. why?  Well.. mostly because they have put
something into themselves or perhaps a collection or what have you.. This
something can be as simply as heartfelt sentiment.. moralistic idea.. or
even hundreds of thousands of dollars.  What do you do when you are faced
with the situation where someone you care about stands to "feel" bad when
you confront them?  Do you sit back and let them get themselves into a jam
because you are too afraid to tell them the truth?  Or do you confront them,
and save them the mess?
     This same notion is what lies in quite a bit of "scientific fact"
today -- especially when it comes to the notion of proving things that give
evidence for or against the existence of God.  A lot of scientists simply do
not like being uncomfortable.  This is the same with most of us I gather.
Nobody really likes remaining uncomfortable.  One thing I've learned in my
travels on this planet is that a big reason why people become scientists..
or hold onto scientific fact.. is because of the solidity it gives them.
After all.. facts are facts... nobody would ever dispute that what goes up
comes down right?  Or that water is wet?  Or that we breathe air?  These are
rather simple ideas.  However.. just because science has come to conclusions
that are often right does not mean that it always does.
     Take for example the notions of Evolution.  I am not here to debate
whether or not evolution takes place.  As a matter of fact, I believe
wholeheartedly that it does.  I can easily see the prevalence of mutation
within the current world genome.. but there is a danger in taking it beyond
its means.  And this is what many scientists have done.. why?  Because it's
easier.  Because it's simpler to explain the idea of man being formed from a
continuous progression of ape-like creatures into who he is today than it is
to explain the existence of God.
     And "explain" is the key word.  A lot of people don't like living in a
world that isn't explained.  They don't like dealing with that which is
unpredictable.. or uncomprehendable.  They prefer to have the universe in
some little box.. a box they can make predictions about and know the outcome
of.. so that they don't have to worry about things like comets or asteroids
hitting earth.. or even the possible return of a long lost Son of God.
They'd far rather deal with what they can hold in their hand.. or even in
their mind.. than deal with the ramifications of something beyond their
control.. something that makes them "feel" uncomfortable.  
     This is just it.  The entirety of humanity gets stuck at times in a
rut.. desiring to "feel" good.. desiring to "feel" beautiful.. desiring to
"feel" loved.. but often.. this "feeling" is nothing more *than* a feeling.
Often ideas are based on nothing more than feelings and evidence.  After
all.. how could something that feels wrong be right?
     Ok.. that's the key.  A lot of us have a really poor idea of what
exactly something "feels" like when it's wrong.  We go back to the idea that
"what feels good is good, and what feels bad is wrong."  But that isn't
always the case.  Often, there are far more factors at work than we can nail
down.  I mean.. yes, it makes sense that hitting your thumb with a hammer
hurts.. and of course.. hurting is one evidence that it was wrong to do it..
especially if you did it on purpose.  But in today's society.. if someone
"feels good" by hitting themselves with a hammer.. we might go so far as to
say, "Well.. it didn't hurt anyone else.. so if they wanna do it.. let em."
Of course.. the U.S. probably wouldn't let someone continue doing this if
the country knew about it... they'd see that the welfare of the individual
was being threatened by their own actions, and thus, the country would step
in and stop the actions.. and try and rectify the person's behavior.  This
makes sense in a lot of cases.. but.. often.. pain is not bad.  
     I was spanked a bit as a kid.. and let me tell you.. I don't care two
hoots that I was.  I mean.. it doesn't bother me now.  It didn't leave any
scars.. and just let me know that my mom cared enough to discipline me when
I was doing wrong.  Now.. on the other hand.. I was also taunted and teased
by my father.. and yelled at.. and even beaten up once.  This type of action
I do *not* condone.  I still live with the scars and wounds from a lot of
what my father did.. and have a very tough time of it when the memories come
up.  I know that all forms of "punishment" are not right.  Unfortunately..
the world has allowed parents to punish their kids however they see fit..
and as a result.. many have been abused.  And even with the laws on the
books in the U.S. today.. many cases of abuse are unreported.. why?  Often
because the children have nobody else.. often because they are afraid of
being beaten up further if they tell.  And not everything is as clear as
black and blue.  Many children are abused emotionally.. the scars of which
often last far longer than those of a simple beating might.  And what is to
stop this?  
     The adults in the situation feel perfectly right in administering these
types of punishment.. but it's not punishment.. it's clearly abuse.. and the
children often suffer well on into adulthood.. and even carry the abuse onto
their own kids.. why?  Often because there's been no one around to help
break the cycle.. They were abused.. so they abuse their own kids.. it's
simple.. you learned by example... so if your father hit you.. you hit your
kid.. it's that easy.
     But back to feeling.. It makes perfect sense here that.. since the
children are being abused.. the adults are not right in doing what they
"feel" is right... what brings them the most "satisfaction" (a feeling) at
the time.  Rather.. what is right is to do what is best for the child.  At
times.. physical discipline makes sense.. but discipline and abuse are two
different things... and often, they can't be measured on a ruler.  Most of
the time, the line between discipline and abuse is not something you see on
the outside of a person.. but on the inside.  If a person's heart is truly
one of love.. one that truly is interested in what is best for the child..
then.. far more often, they will be willing to be quieter.. and listen to
the child.. and administer a more loving form of punishment.  But.. often..
parents take the emotions they have pent up inside them.. from work.. from
arguing with their spouse.. from whatever else is on their mind.. and direct
the anger at their kids.  And that anger has no place being fired at a
child.  I know that one of the scariest experiences I had as a kid was when
my father literally chased me away from the house.  He never landed a blow..
but gosh if I wasn't terrified.. I still wonder how parents can be so cruel
to their kids.
     But back to what is truly discipline.  Discipline is just that.  It is
to disciple.. or direct.. to instill direction within the heart of someone.
To help them see what is right and what is wrong.  Discipline does not just
mean punishment.. although it seems to have deteriorated into that meaning
in this culture.  But rather.. it means to direct someone in the way that is
right.  It will *include* punishment.. but it should also include praise.
True "discipline" helps a child to see himself as a human being in a
society.. and helps them see their place in it.  It helps them to know that
love is good and hate is bad.. and that to do good is always better than to
do evil.  Unfortunately.. with the world the way it is.. many people try and
"discipline" their child.. but end up really scarring them for a good long
time.. as they really have a confused idea, themselves, of what is really
good and true and pure.  True discipline will bring most children to an
understanding of what is really good.. and what will bring the most love to
the world.  Whereas poor discipline (that which is lacking in praise or too
strong on punishment.. even unto abuse) will turn a child *against* society..
and teach them that it's ok to do wrong to those around you.. after all..
their parents did wrong to them.. they should be allowed to do wrong to
others.
     Ok.. where does feeling fit into this?  Simple.  Everyone can identify
with the idea that children being battered are being abused.. and that.. even
if the parent feels justified in what they did.. they may not be..
regardless of how many Scriptures they quote.  I do not mean that Scripture
(The Bible) is bad.. but I do mean to say that.. often.. the passages in
"Holy Texts" have been abused.. for the simple purpose of "being right".
You got it.  Everyone wants to be right.  And few are willing to admit when
they are wrong.. but not only this.. Many are simply unwilling to listen
when they are shown they are wrong.  It makes them too "uncomfortable"
(feeling) to embrace the idea that they are wrong for in what they're doing.
Often.. they are weighing the idea of them being wrong against decades of
teaching.. where they have come to the notion that 1+1=3.  Nobody can prove
to them that it's 2.. they've seen too much evidence that it's actually 3..
they've seen it shown to them time and again.. but still.. we all know that
1+1 is actually 2.  Yet people hold onto the idea that it's 3.. for one..
simple.. reason..... It's easier to deal with.. i.e. it "feels" better.  A
teacher that's been studing the idea that 1+1=3 for 40 years and who has
taught it for 25 years.. is still wrong.. regardless of how many doctorates
he holds.  No matter how much "education" someone gets.. the real test of
how good that education was.. lies in how it registers against the actual
"truth" of the world.  
     Ok.. to one more "feeling".  Many of us want to take up the notion that
it's ok to believe that everything is relativistic.. that is.. what I
believe is fine for me.. and what you believe is fine for you.. and if they
don't agree.. it doesn't matter.. we are all on our own paths.. learning the
truth whatever ways we choose.. and we'll all end up at the end of the race
sometime.  One of the reasons why people choose this is simple.. because it
makes a person "feel" good.  It makes a person not have to confront
themselves.. and not have to deal with the idea that, perhaps.. they are
wrong.  After all.. if we are all getting closer to God in one way or
another.. then we'll all end up where He is someday.. right?
Unfortunately.. this is basically another "feel good" choice.  People want
to believe this because it's easy.  It makes life a walk in the park.
Nobody has to worry about serving a supreme deity.. or bowing down to his
perfect laws.. or growing closer towards his perfect son.. because it
doesn't matter *what* you do.. you're growing closer to God as is.  You
don't need to rely on someone you can't see.  You don't need to trust in
someone whose voice you've never heard.  You can pretty much do as you
please.. cuz the world is automatically going towards God.  So many choose
this because it alleviates the insecurity of having to stand before God..
empty and without a plea.. except for what another person you've never seen
has done.  We desire comfort over truth.. and that, is the reason for the
confusion.
     There are a lot of preachers out there.. But just because they're a
preacher doesn't make them right either.  If I walked into an office
building and somehow gained entry to the head office, and sat in the chair,
I don't think the company would accept me as their boss.  Unfortunately..
there are so many people who don't know what God is really like.. that they
do just that.  They let someone.. who they trust to know God.. because of
their varying degrees or what have you.. into the head office.. and let them
even "rule" over their hearts.. telling them what to do to get to Heaven.
Well.. let me assure you.. God doesn't buy it.  And He isn't interested in
faith in preachers.  He wants people to have faith.. trust.. belief.. and
knowledge.. about Him.  Not about who preachers say He is.. or what they
*say* He's like.  The problem is.. the road to God is very littered with
fakes.. like these preachers.. so it's very difficulty to tell when you're
finding out about the real God.. and when you're hearing opinion.  The
solution?  Well... it's simple.. but not easy.  You gotta do the work of
seeking Him yourself.  You gotta be willing to put your own nose in the
Bible and find out what it's really saying.  And if you do seek out of a
genuine heart.. then you are sure to find Him.  Ok.. I'm leaving out one
very important thing.  I have my own trouble with this whole "seek and ye
shall find" idea.  Not that it's wrong.. just how easy people seem to make
it sound.  It's far from easy.  It takes a lot if not all of what you have
to really find God.  Of course.. that *is* what God said in Jeremiah.. that
if we really wanna find Him.. we gotta seek with all our hearts.  He even
guaranteed that if we do seek to find Him with all our hearts, that we, in
effect, guaranteedly, shall find Him.. no questions asked.  Yet.. (here we
go) seeking with all our hearts is.. you guessed it.. not always
comfortable.. i.e. it doesn't always "feel" good.  The world is so full of
garbage.. and we are so used to bathing in it.. that it's really hard to
tell a buoy from a shark.. that is.. until it bites you.  And then we begin
to wonder if there really are buoys.. and if there are.. are they really
going to help us out?  I mean.. I have often started to wonder.. when in my
deeper pits of depression.. if God is really out there.. and if He really
*does* care about His creation... I guess this is where faith comes in.  And
that, my friends.. is the power which is needed to battle the "feel-good"
ideas of society.
     You got it.  Unfortunately.. what precisely to put your faith in..
academically.. may not be so tough.. but legitimately.. concretially.. it is
extremely difficult.  Because without someone to show you the way to God..
you have to rely on what the Bible says alone.  The problem is.. it's very
easy to read in your own ideas of what is "right" and what the Bible is
actually "saying" to you at a particular passage.  satan has a lot of demons
around you whenever you start to open the Bible.. and he will use his
ability to mislead to help you see what you most want to see.. but
shouldn't.  He will help you to come to conclusions that may be based on
what the people around you are telling you.. and.. if they are Christians in
your eyes.. the ideas will seem completely legitimate.  But.. when you are a
new believer... anyone who professes a belief in Christ may look like they
are truly one of His disciples.. when in actuality.. they are being misled
too.. and are holding onto dangerous falsities.. so dangerous that many will
end up in hell because of them.  So what is one to do?
     Well.. this isn't easy.  Finding a truly "Spirit-led" group of
believers is really tough these days.  As can be illustrated simply from a
single point that Paul writes about.  You see.. the reason why there are so
many denominations is simple.. we don't agree.  But the real reason why they
exist is because the "Christians" in them are not very mature.  They are
holding onto ideas that are "pleasant".. you guessed it.. that "feel good"..
because they are easier to deal with than the truth is.  And because they
are choosing to remain buckled to their old habits (habits they learned
while they were nonbelievers).. they do not grow.. and do not learn what is
truly of God and what isn't.  So.. we have millions of people calling
themselves Christians the world over.. but since there is so much
disagreement.. we can conclude that.. few are actually right.. and that most
are way wrong.
     So how do you find God?  Well.. you may have guessed.. it isn't by
feelings.  What "feels" right is seldom right along this walk.  Expect to
make quite a few blunders in your first days as a Christian.. but know
this.. that if you are really searching for God.. and want to meet noone
else.. then you'll find Him.  Just keep praying that God will show you the
truth.. no matter how much it hurts.. and that you'll be willing to accept
it when you see it.. even if it makes you "feel" uncomfortable... and I can
guarantee you that you'll find the one and true God of the Universe.
     Ok... on to the next point.  This one may raise a few eyebrows.. but
let me assure you.. all the scientific "evidence" in the world won't make it
untrue.  Regardless of how this hits you, realize.. just because you may not
like (find pleasant -- find "good feelings" when you hear) this next idea,
does not mean it isn't true.  The fact remains.. truth should never be
regarded as truth simply because it seems to "make sense" in our own eyes..
but because it simply is.. the truth.
     Ok.. time to open the can of worms.  I am not lying, nor of some
deluded notion when I say that anyone can be gay.
     
     Now.. if you really are interested in the truth.. keep reading.  If
not.. try reading anyway.. it might surprise you.
     
     Ok.. here's the situation.  A man cannot know if he likes chocolate
until he tastes it.  Yet.. if tasting chocolate makes one more apt to like
it, and.. if one is told that it's natural to like chocolate.. one might
be willing to entertain the notion that chocolate is good.. because he likes
it.  But.. the thing is.. if someone never tastes chocolate, they'll never
know if they like it or not.
     This is the relatively the reason why people "become" gay.. most of the
time.  Let me elaborate.
     First off.. I must needs explore the fact that.. in many cases.. people
"become" gay simply because they were exposed to sex via abuse from a person
of the same sex when they were young.  Often.. their hearts get twisted
around and their ideas of what "feels" good gets really monkeyed with in
situations like this.. and so.. many, as a result of becoming intimately
involved with someone of the same sex, begin to consider whether or not it's
actually ok to do so.  Many.. totally confused by the fact that God would
allow this to happen to them.. and that God would allow them to experience
the feelings they now have for members of the same sex.. grasp onto what
they truly believe to be true.. that God "made" them gay.  Unfortunately..
this idea is being sold throughout the world.. that God.. if He does really
exist.. makes some people gay and some people straight.  Yet.. the Bible is
very clear about the fact that God does not support homosexuality.  For
those of you who say otherwise.. be careful.. you may be doing it simply
because it "feels" better to believe that you are the way you are because
God made you that way.. not because of choices you've made.. or because of
situations you've had to live through.  But let me assure you.. God does not
"make" people gay.. no more than he makes people adulterers.  The only thing
is.. the world supports the notion that it's ok to be gay.. why?  Well..
simply put.. it's because "it feels good" and.. you guessed it... "it
doesn't hurt anybody." 
     Before I continue.. let me assure you of one thing.  God does not
*hate* "gay" people.  Those of you who have been spreading this slanderous
lie about God are going to end up with a lot of explaining to do on judgment
day.. because nowhere in the Bible does it say this.  God thinks the same
thing about "gay" people that he does about you.  He loves you as you are..
and He calls all who will listen.. gay *or* straight.. to believe in and
follow His Son.  I pray that you "gay bashers" and "gay haters" and such get
a dose of compassion rather quick.. before God uproots you from the blessed
ground you have been planted in.  God does not hate people.. He hates their
actions.. their sinful actions.  Some he truly detests.. and one of them is
a proud look.  And you people who go around bashing gay people deserve a
real swat in the rear end.  I won't be giving it to you.. but God will.. and
rest assured.. if you don't listen to His heart now.. He'll show it to you..
and all His wrath with it.. later.  Don't be so proud to think that you can
get away with hating sinners.  You were one once.. and are still if you're
harboring hatred for people who are as human as you are.  God didn't hate
you.. He called you from your sinful ways... and that's just what He calls
everyone to do.
     Now.. onto the questions at hand... for one.. why would being "gay"
feel so good and feel so right if it weren't right in the first place?
Well.. one thing I've learned from my own travels on this planet is that my
own sinful heart enjoys pleasure.  Matter of fact.. it seems that evil has a
pleasure all its own.. a pleasure that is rather addictive.  This seems to
be evil's hook.. all its pleasures are addictive.. and they make you growl
at anyone who tries to take away the "good feelings" you get from doing what
is wrong in God's eyes.  The problem is.. this world isn't run by God.. God
may get His way when He wants it... but.. satan is the "god" of this world..
and satan's people are all around us.. and I don't mean just people who call
themselves "satanists".  If you read in the Gospels.. there is a parable
about wheat and tares.  It seems from the parable.. that.. everyone was sown
as either wheat or a tare from the beginning of time.. and it will take
their lifetimes to show whether or not they were wheat (sons of God) or tares
(seeds of satan).  But more to the point.. everyone.. before they come to
"know" God.. is rather lost amidst the world.  Most.. if they haven't
surrendered.. are looking for fulfillment in this world.. and some find a
legitimate quantity of it.. but... many find themselves rather empty.. and
seek all their lives to find something that is truly lasting.. that truly
fulfills the longings of the heart.  And there is only one thing that does.
Unfortunately for many people.. it isn't sex.  And it isn't companionship.
The only thing that will ever fulfill the longings in the depths of the
heart is becoming a one on one relation with God, Himself.. i.e. getting to
know Him and learning what love really is.. and then showing it yourself.
Yet many people are so stuck on the "feeling" idea of love that we get
really confused... and nowhere is this confusion greater than in the hearts
of those who consider themselves "gay".
     Before I continue.. let me redefine the word "gay".  I need for you who
believe yourselves to be "gay" to really give yourself more of a shot than
the world is giving you.  The world expects you to believe its lies.. the
ideas that "being gay is hereditary" or "being gay is genetic" or "being gay
just happens".  Let me assure you.. these ideas may have evidence to suport
them.. but trust me.. the evidence is twisted.  Nobody has any real *proof*
that gay people are gay from birth... or from before.. they just have
evidence.. and because people want to "feel" accepted.. because people want
to "feel" that who they are is ok.. they hang around with people who will
agree that their lifestyle is.. of course.. ok.  People who use guns hang
around with others who use guns.  People who fight hang around others who
fight.  People who are artists often hang out with other artists.  Why?
Simple.. you can identify with those who hang out on common ground.  And
identification with people is something that we all long for.. we all long
to be told that "we're normal" or that "we're acceptable".. and it's often
in realms where people of the same "mindset" hang out that we find our
"niche" in life.  Unfortunately.. just because there are people of a similar
mindset to yours does not make it ok.  Look at the Nazis.. Look at all the
germans who listened to Hitler.. does it make it ok to kill Jews just
because a lot of people believed it was ok?  Of course not.  And just
because you hang out with people who say "being homosexual" is ok.. does not
make it right.. it only makes you "feel" better.  But more importantly.. let
me assure you.. that nobody.. is gay.  In fact.. people are simply people.
Everyone is different.. that much is certain.. and everyone has different
tastes.. that is also certain.. however.. to have a taste that is wrong.. is
simply that.. it's wrong.  You are not "gay".  If you consider yourself
"gay".. instead.. you are merely choosing to live within the parameters that
you define life by.. a "feeling" that you have inside you that it's ok to be
"gay".. that it's ok to "feel" sexual attraction for someone of the same
gender... To be totally honest.. I know a little about having more than
platonic feelings for men.. and yet.. I still refuse to listen.
     And that is the answer.  I may not know the in depth process it may
take some of you to choose not to follow your interior longings.. but I do
know that they are just that.  They are longings which were excited by
satan.. not by God.  They are the same longings we all have.. longings to be
loved.. longings to be held.. longings to belong to someone.. and to love
and be loved.. but they have been twisted.. and it's most likely not your
fault that they are so twisted.  In many cases.. people *do* open the door
to "being gay".. by playing around with same-sex friends.. by experimenting
sexually with them.. and seeing how it feels.  But this is not the only way
to excite these feelings.  And yes.. I do call them "feelings".. because
that's what they are.  
     You see.. you "gay" people out there.. are being misled by the best
liar in the business.  He's so good at it that he's called the "father of
lies".  And his best trick is to get you to believe that you are who you are
who you are.. and that nobody can change it.  But he sneaks in the idea that
who you are is beautiful.. and makes you think that.. since it doesn't
"hurt" anyone to "be gay".. it's perfectly fine to be so.  But really..
"being gay" is when you have allowed yourself to come to the belief that
these "feelings" you have for people of the same sex are unchangeable..  Not
only are they supposedly "unchangeable".. but.. according to "gay lifestyle
promoters".. they are natural.. and beautiful.  
     Ok.. dangerous word here.. the word "beautiful".  What does God find
beautiful?  God has really helped me see that there are really two different
levels of beauty in the human world.  There is "intrinsic" beauty.. that
which we have on our own... regardless of what we do.. where we were born..
how we act.. etc... and there is "earned" beauty.. which comes from being a
loving, tender, compassionate person.. who wants nothing more than to do
what is right.  God loves everyone because of their "intrinsic" or "inate"
beauty.  Everyone is priceless in God's eyes.. regardless of their sins.
Everyone is beautiful in God's eyes.. regardless of what they've done.. or
who they've hurt.  Everyone.. in God's eyes.. is worthwhile.  But.. not
everyones lifestyle is as beautiful as everyone else's.  And it is this
lifestyle we are judged by.  It is this *chosen* lifestyle that we have
committed ourselves to that will determine where we go when the end of the
world is upon us.. and Jesus is up in the clouds with all His angels.  
     You see.. even if you believe you are "gay".. in God's eyes.. you *are*
still *BEAUTIFUL*.  Don't let anyone dare tell you that you aren't.  Yet..
God made standards for mankind.  He wants certain things to occur in certain
ways.. not because that takes away pleasure.. but because it's what's best
for us.  Unfortunately.. too many people refuse to believe that God can
"make" them straight.  Too many people refuse to believe that God can change
their hearts and help them to ignore the impulses that surge through their
veins.. calling out for sexual relations with the same gender.  Well.. I
hope and pray you aren't one of them.. because God really has a lot more to
offer you than you may realize.  He wants what is best for you.. He wants
you to know true peace of mind.. true love.. and true life beyond
understanding.  He wants you to know that you are beautiful.. and truly
priceless in His sight.  But He also wants what is best for you... and one
thing God set aside as fact.. is that sexual relations belong in only one
place... in the marriage bed.. between man and wife.  
     God loves you as you are.. He won't let go of you just because you're
missing it in tons of areas.. He loves you enough that He will fight to the
very end to get you to hear Him.. but be forewarned.. when your life is
over.. it will become evident how much God was actually fighting for you..
and you'll have to deal with what God said in the Bible about seeking after
sexual relations outside of His "set-aside" area.
     OK.. I need to make one thing very clear.  Those feelings you may
have.. for a person.. whether they're of the same or opposite sex.  Nobody
makes you act on them.  Nobody forces you to go and sleep with anyone.. or
even look at someone in such a way as to become aroused.  No.. in fact..
it's all your own choice.  You decide whether or not you go to the person's
house.. whether you sit on the couch or whether you go up to the person's
bedroom.  You decide who you sleep with and who you don't.  The problem is..
you may be asking.. or even crying, "Why do I have to feel this way then?"
Or perhaps, "If I feel this way, isn't it natural to act on my feelings?"  
     Let me assure you... it may be "natural" to act on one's sexual
impulses.. but.. just because it's natural doesn't make it right.  God makes
it very clear in His Bible that man.. because of Adam's sin.. is born a
sinner.. and that no man has ever gone through life sinless.. except for
Jesus Himself.  As a matter of fact.. God *made* the Law.. for the Jews.. in
such a way that nobody could remain sinless under it.  So the fact that you
sin is very natural.  It's very natural to do what is wrong... I mean..
nobody has to ever teach a little child to lie.. he is born knowing how to
deceive.. how to misrepresent the truth.. how to twist people's words into
what he wants.. and manipulate his parents into doing what he desires.  But
these are not good traits.. as most would agree.  Yet we seem to think that
man is "good" by nature.  Raise a child.. and notice what he learns on his
own and what you have to teach him.  You'll find out quite quickly how easy
it is for him to lie.. and how much more work it is to get him to do what is
right.  This is the fact about acting on what is "natural".  Even if you are
not a "gay" person.. if you act in such a way as to have sex.. or even lust
after someone who is not your conjoined marital partner.. then you are just
as bad off as someone who does it with the same sex.  Nobody is perfect..
granted.. but.. we need to realize that "gay" people are as human as the
rest of us.  Everyone of us needs love.. everyone of us wants to be
accepted... unfortunately, the church has done such a poor job loving people
who believe themselves "gay" that they have run into the arms of secular
society in order to find that acceptance.  So many of us are so convinced
that God *couldn't* love a gay person.. that we forget that we are sinners
just like they are.. and we are no better off than they are.  The only thing
that gets us to Heaven isn't our own works.. but Jesus' work on the cross.
And Jesus died for those who consider themselves "gay" just like He died for
you.
     If you're still reading.. I applaud you.  I expect quite a large
percentage of people who read this to be rather infuriated by the time they
get this far.. and most will probably drop this essay like a hot rock.  But
let me assure you of one thing.  I wrote this for one purpose and one
purpose only.. because I love you.  That's right.. I care.  I don't know you
very well.. most of you I have probably never seen.. or even heard your
voice.. or know your name.. but I care anyway.  If I didn't care, I wouldn't
be putting up this essay.. knowing it will get me a lot of guff from people
who don't want to listen.  This essay is being written for those of you who
do.  It's to help you realize that.. for one.. you're not alone.  For two..
God loves you.  And for three.. regardless of who you think you are or who
the world says you are.. God wants to make you into something far better..
someone who will love others with such zeal that he or she can truly move
mountains.  And yes.. I do mean love.  All too often today.. when people who
call themselves Christians come knocking at your door.. they are far more
interested in making a convert than they are in caring about the people they
are converting.  Many people may call themselves Christians.. but if they
don't love you.. well.. I'd really doubt that they are.  The ones who bend
over backwards for you.. trying to show you that they care.. are the true
Christians... the ones who stay up late nights with you.. sharing your
pain.. or who shoulder some of your burdens when you feel down.. th,ose are
the real Christians.. not the ones who plop by your house only to argue with
you and invite you to their church.  Many churches out there do go out and
try and get you to hear them.. but there are so many callous people in the
world that it's really tough to believe that Jesus really is there.. much
less that He would dare to die for you.  I know how it feels.  I've been
shuffed off by more than one "Christian" in my time.. I've been hurt
dramatically by people who call themselves Christians.. and they don't seem
to make much in the way of amends.. they hope and pray I'll forgive them as
is.. but they really have no idea of the pain they've caused me.. and most
of the time I doubt that they care.
     You see.. I've been where you are.  I know what it's like to be hated
for being "different".  I was a nerd for most of my life.. I still am to
many people I'm sure.. if not.. it's only because there are so few who know
me.. it'd be hard to find enuf to really call me a nerd.  But I know that
nerds need love too.. and so do you.  
     My friend.. I cannot guarantee you that I'm always around.. but I will
guarantee you this.  If you send an email.. I'll respond.  Just tell me you
read this.. and where you're coming from.  I'll do my best to help.  I do
care.. otherwise.. I wouldn't be writing this.
     My name is John.. I live in Bellingham, Washington.. and my phone
number is 360-676-1080.  If you are really interested.. gimme a call.  Or
send me email at n9830164@cc.wwu.edu .. I want to hear from you.  I know
this wasn't perfect.. but I hope it helped open your eyes.
     Take care, and may God go with you.

                                    yours truly...


                                       crysaliq